'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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