I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
