I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
