Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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