Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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