apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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