I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
