I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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