My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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