i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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