hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
