Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
