true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just forgot I was standing up.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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