Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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