she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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