just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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