I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
