watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
