Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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