Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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