I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
oh god the rape fog is back!
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Randomize
