My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
