if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
