No, you can still breathe under the balls.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
