That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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