Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
