So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
