He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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