if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
