If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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