When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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