So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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