Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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