Dual....:-)
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
