After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
