apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
