he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
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