Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i out mim tonsoeep
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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