Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
