It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I will pee on everything he values.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
