When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
