I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
