Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
How's work?
Spinning.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
