I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
