Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Randomize
