false alarm. still invincible.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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