New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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