Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he fucked my hip out of place.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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