I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
