Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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