Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
